The first day of Kindergarten. For my oldest. The one who made me a mother almost 6 years ago. We are entering a whole new chapter in our lives. It excites me but simultaneously terrifies me.
I think back to when she was first born. So many sleepless nights. No one every told me that would be the case before her birth. This girl had a pair of lungs on her. I walked around in a complete fog for months. It wasn’t until I was pregnant with her middle sister she finally started sleeping through the night. She was almost two.
Milestones were celebrated as the big moments weaved in and out of the days spent together. Me and my little sidekick. Tiny but with a big personality.
I watched her become a big sister twice, the love for each of her sisters growing steadily each day. She is mothering instinctually and always wants to be the one to care for them. Whether that be change diapers, pick out clothes, or just cuddle them close, they have her heart completely.
She is one of the most compassionate people I know. Tender hearted to the core. She is extremely giving. She is sensitive to those around her making sure all are included.
She will strike up a conversation with just about anyone, always ready to make new friends. She enjoys being around people and will adapt to whatever everyone else is playing.
She has the most kinetic energy. Absolutely contagious. You can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She bounces in the room and captivates my complete attention.
Here we are. The day we begin a brand new adventure. I feel happy sad. You know, happy because she is thrilled and I can’t wait to see all the wonderful things she will learn and accomplish this next year. But, sad at the same time. That once tiny baby I looked deeply into her eyes as I cradled her shortly after her birth in tears she was finally here is now growing. Much quicker than I had anticipated. I’ve heard that said time and time again, she will be out of the house before I know it. This of course is not college and she still has plenty of years left living under the same roof but I know it will go by quicker than I could imagine.
Happy and sad. Feelings that don’t seem like they could exist simultaneously, yet they can. The fresh beginning of a new era with the ending of the old one. Mixed feelings. Looking back to those first moments I cradled her in that hospital bed following her birth, I vaguely remember similar feelings. Although completely different circumstances, there was completely happiness welcoming this fresh life into the world I had just carried in my womb for nine long months, but also a hint of sadness knowing she was on the other side of my comfortable and safe womb. We were no longer attached in the same way we were.
Of course those feelings were quickly replaced with sleep deprivation and nursing woes. Plus, the very sight of her little face was enough to melt away any feelings other than joy.
As mothers, we experience a wide gamut of emotions. Highs and lows. Often in the same breath.
I don’t know what phase of life you are in, dear reader. Are you welcoming new life? Are you sending a child off to kindergarten for the first time? Or perhaps your youngest is in the first days of high school. Maybe you are packing the car that is college bound. The seasons of life that are passing by more quickly than I can hold on sometimes.
I am right there with you on this day I send my oldest to Kindergarten.